The Ugly Side of Coaching
My True Hollywood Story as a Life Coach in LA & How to Avoid the Craziness that Ensues Working with Volatile People
I once coached a schizophrenic Hollywood director who didn’t reveal his condition to me until we were 3-months into our work together.
This is my True Hollywood Story complete with warnings about how to avoid a harrowing experience like this one.
The first 3 months of our coaching relationship had gone splendidly. My client, who we’ll call “Steve” was beaming about his recent successes and ready to re-up for the next 3-month coaching contract. He was singing my praises and referring me to his colleagues without even asking.
I was a recent transplant to Los Angeles and just getting my coaching practice started. Steve had worked for a very well-known talk-show personality in LA for about a decade. After many monotonous years, he grew tired of his day-to-day duties producing the show and craved new experiences and creative challenges. He wanted to double his income with a new opportunity in his industry, and in his mind that meant leaving the show and his stable job.
I’ll never forget the day he texted me from a very famous movie star’s compound in Hawaii saying he’d been flown out there to close a deal to produce the icon’s YouTube channel.
We’re talking about an A-lister—a whale in terms of landing a client!
As a rookie coach and new to LA, I couldn’t believe I was one 1-degree of separation from someone that famous already. I had stars in my eyes about what Steve’s success and continued referrals would do for my coaching career.
I’d met Steve through a referral from a friend and colleague who we’ll call Jeremy. We were both trained coaches but had met waiting tables in LA as we got our practices started.
Not long after leaving the food service industry, we both had a respectable client roster — myself in the transformational field, and Jeremy, a fitness coach and trainer.
One fateful day Jeremy sends me an alarming text.
“Watch your back!” he warned. “Steve just fired me. There’s something really off about him. He’s coming for you next.”
I didn’t know what to make of a text like this. I already had Steve’s testimonial after our first 3-month stint and clients referred to me by him. With the success we’d had together, I thought:
‘There’s no way he could fire me!’
Not only did he fire me — the first shock — but he then came at me with a lawyer. Or at least someone posing as a lawyer, demanding any fees paid to be returned & claiming malpractice against me.
I’m no doctor, so there is no malpractice. However, I am a Certified Integrative Coach from an accredited institution. I was inexperienced, but a well-trained professional.
We had a Coaching Agreement in place stating his responsibilities & mine. As far as I was concerned, his results proved that coaching had helped him advance. Everything up to that point indicated I was fulfilling my duties as a coach & practitioner.
In a series of strongly-worded emails from said lawyer, I was advised that Steve had schizophrenia and had been isolated to an asylum for the mentally insane. The lawyer described himself as a family friend thus doing this case pro bono “as a favor to the family.” Steve’s parents were said to be involved and coming after me aggressively for allegedly inflicting harm on their son.
At this point, I’m just beside myself, reeling from the shock of this news and in disbelief about how things could have gone so wrong.
I was scared and began imagining the worst. What had I done to him? Why was he doing this? Could he be in an asylum right after landing this big client? And what in the world is wrong with this guy?, I wondered.
Things weren’t adding up. The trauma from his threats paralyzed me. I didn’t have much savings and feared he could destroy me if he wished. With few resources of my own and sick with distress, I shared this information with my roommate at the time, who’s now a successful touring DJ and music producer, in hopes he could help.
Turns out, he had a lawyer of his own. And assured me that his lawyer would get to the bottom of this in a short amount of time for a relatively low cost. That wasn’t a lie.
Once I had legal representation, I explained the situation to the attorney and forwarded all email communication to his office. In a matter of hours, I had the peace of mind I needed not to go into fits of anxiety and despair.
My lawyer revealed two important details that I had missed from my utter surprise and lack of experience in situations like this. Steve’s “lawyer” didn’t have a proper email signature (and used a free Gmail account), nor was the lawyer’s name registered with the California Bar Association.
Phew! My body nearly collapsed from holding all that nervous energy. I didn’t know whether to go into a rage fit or cry out of sheer joy. And while this news was a relief and began to illustrate the kind of person Steve is, I couldn’t rest assured unless I knew the asylum bit was part of the hoax.
I was clearly dealing with a disturbed individual.
But could a person in Steve’s high position be capable of risking his status, and reputation, even losing his prestigious new movie star client if he were outed for this fraud?
I thought, no way in hell.
He had the money for a real lawyer, so why pose as one?
I was getting curiouser and curiouser.
We decided to pursue things further yet with tact. On the suggestion from my lawyer, who was more Saul Goodman than Johnny Cochrane, I was instructed to call Steve’s office from a blocked number. Then I could at least get through to the receptionist and see if she would put me through.
That was the test: will he answer his office line?
Of course, if he’s actually in an asylum, I could listen to how the receptionist responded which would also be revealing.
One phone call would decide what was going on here and if I had anything to worry about. While I’d never called Steve before at the office, nor knew the company name, it was easy to go to his movie star client’s YouTube account and look to see who was listed as the producer.
I found his company name in the captions of a recently uploaded video. Then a quick Google search revealed the main office number in LA.
I made the call and got the receptionist.
I then asked for Steve by name and…waited.
Then, to my great relief, she cheerfully, and without hesitation, put me through.
Steve answered in an upbeat tone. I shook my head and bit my lip. Then I hung up.
The last and final email between Steve and me, which brought this situation to an end, stated that if he chose to continue pursuing this matter, he could direct all correspondence to my lawyer, who was an actual attorney with an office, an email signature, and recognition by the California Bar Association.
So You Want to be a Life Coach?
Whenever someone casually tells me they want to be a Life Coach, my head drops a bit with a wry smile, as if to say, ‘Are you sure about that?’
My friend Adam, a serial traveler and renaissance man, wrote me a few years back while in between gigs saying this:
“I’m considering becoming a life coach if I don’t land a great job. I kinda like living in exotic places and the lifestyle that goes with it.”
I read that again quite amused. No training, no real call to serve, just a lust for the lifestyle and perceived glamour of being a coach.
Coaches are the new DJs, I heard someone say recently.
While that might be partly true, few will talk about the ugly side of coaching.
You’re dealing with people, after all, in close quarters and around their most intimate secrets, shadowy parts, and self-sabotaging patterns.
The change the client desires might begin in the name of transformation, but here’s one rule of thumb, which isn’t always foolproof, to protect yourself:
Only work with the willing.
As in, those who are willing to do the deep work & face their most uncomfortable parts and feelings with the utmost honesty and openness.
Even those who are willing one day may flip the script on you another day, letting their multiple personalities and defense mechanisms run amok, affecting you, your business, your coaching relationship with them, and any progress you think you’ve made with that person.
So if you’re thinking of becoming a “coach” because you think it will sound cool or afford you some kind of exotic lifestyle, think hard about this.
And do your due diligence.
You should have these 5 qualities to be a Life Coach:
1. Be fit for service
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally. Take care of your own needs and well-being first. Do the deep work. Do it with integrity and honesty.
2. Have a true calling to serve
This has to come from your profound transformation, conscious awakening, or heart opening from having done the inner work and integrating the results. It ought to come from a place within you that experiences great fulfillment in helping others.
3. Make sure you’re properly trained
A weekend Coaching Certification course doesn’t cut it. You won’t learn all the ins and outs from these crash courses designed to part you with your hard-earned cash with promises of lifestyle & money freedom. Don’t be cheap. And don’t take shortcuts. Find the best training and trainers possible.
4. Set up proper Coaching Relationships with your Clients
The ICF (International Coaching Federation) defines a “Coaching Relationship” as a relationship that is established by the ICF Professional and the Client(s)/Sponsor(s) under an agreement or a contract that defines the responsibilities and expectations of each party.
Even with that in place, you must vet your clients well with intake forms and full disclosures of psychological conditions, as well as waivers to ensure you’re protected. You need to indicate that it’s their responsibility to get any other professional help if needed from people with medical degrees, licenses, and certifications that you may not have or treatments or diagnoses that you are not qualified to help with.
5. Commit to the Long Haul
This is probably the biggest reason why the coaching industry is flooded with new amateur coaches and why the turnover is so high.
Everyone sees the shiny objects: the money, lifestyle, location independence, and exotic retreats. But few will do the real work to establish themselves professionally and financially, becoming a person of integrity experiencing consistent success in their field, and gaining respect from their clients, colleagues, and peers.
Final Words
Not all people are nut jobs, but let me tell you, there is no shortage of them in this world.
It took me years and lots of therapy to recover from the damages that mentally disturbed clients have inflicted on me from ill-fitting coaching relationships.
I don’t want this to happen to you. No one wants to be a cash-strapped coach, but the truth is when we’re just starting, we’re looking for the yeses from people who can pay for our services and when we get one, it feels like we’re off and running!
Pro Tip: Stay in a more stable job or build up enough savings or streams of income while you begin your coaching practice so that you don’t have to compromise when it comes to the kind of clients you want in your life.
Because, Lord knows, you don’t need to invite any crazy into it.
Thanks for reading! Please clap or comment if it landed for you.
→ Interested in becoming a Medium member?
Please use this link to sign up and help me keep creating content
→ For more inspiration, download my free ebook The 8 Passages for Purposeful & Powerful Living
