Unlocking the Unlived Life
The Curious Link Between Language Mastery, Success, and Transformation
Have you ever noticed that, in general, Americans are really bad when it comes to proper pronunciation of foreign languages?
I would say that this has to do with pride and identity.
Americans are proud people. The degree to which one is identified with their own country and self-image can hold a person back from mastering the pronunciation of a foreign language. They fear letting that identity go and some don’t dare try on different ways of being for fear of being judged.
But, as Dr. David Hawkins reminds us, “the humble person cannot be humiliated for they are immune to vulnerability, having let go of pride.”
Let’s look at how we can relinquish pride, and perhaps loosen our identity around our image to grow our knowledge and capabilities in certain areas.
And we’ll explore the curious link between language mastery, success in other areas, and transformation out of an old way of being.
My Backstory
I have a Spanish background but my father never spoke to me in Spanish because he wasn’t taught the language. Due to racism in America during my grandparent’s time, they decided it’d be best if their kids grew up only speaking and identifying with the English language and predominant American culture.
In the process, we lost our language and cultural identity.
When I decided to learn Spanish to reclaim my heritage, I had to start in school like everyone else.
What first occurred to me in high school Spanish was that adolescent students of foreign languages were mostly intent on just learning grammar and syntax, with little attention to speaking with a proper accent.
The class clowns purposefully displayed the most horrendous accent to get laughs. Sure the teacher encouraged us to adopt a Spanish name — if your name was Matthew, you got to be Mateo during class — but that didn’t mean a person changed their identity or speaking style in another language. Most kids didn’t want to be judged for being different. And so, that cringe-worthy style of delivery can still be heard whenever Americans go abroad.
When my dad decided to honor his ancestry and learn Spanish in his seventies, I offered him some advice. He’s a proud man, so it was a bit of a role reversal for him to be on the receiving end.
This is what I told him:
Forget about your identity as you know it. You’ve been identified as an American, by your career, your role as a father or family man, and by your surroundings all your life. You have the opportunity to take on a new identity when you speak a foreign language. Let the language and culture — even the mannerisms of native speakers— become a part of you, and you’ll find yourself speaking like one if you do.
My dad didn’t welcome my suggestion at first.
But in time, he admitted I was right.
I’ve found it to be incredibly satisfying to have developed a fluent-sounding accent in Spanish. When Latinos ask what country I’m from, what they’re asking is, what Spanish-speaking country are you from?
That’s a huge compliment. But it took years of intentional effort and a desire to not want to be singled out as an “ugly American” who doesn’t care.
Later in life, as I began my transformational coaching career, I dove deep into the study of the human shadow and the identity — how we define ourselves.
I’ve discovered a few parallels that I think will help us understand this phenomenon & use it to translate our intention to change into results — whether it’s language mastery you want or success in other areas.
Let’s explore how.
For Best Results, You Must Learn to Change Your Identity
I came across a short passage in Robert A. Johnson’s “Owning Your Own Shadow,” that speaks to this idea. In Eastern Europe, he tells us that an innovative method of teaching languages to adults took a wildly different approach with great success.
This approach involves learners adopting identities wholly opposite from their actual lives. Imagine a college professor embodying the persona of a pirate, or a conman taking on the role of a priest. They would be able to ‘shed’ their old identity and take on an entirely different persona.
This method does more than teach language; it leverages a deep, often untapped energy, calling upon individuals to explore parts of themselves they have never lived.
This “unlived life” is what I’m pointing to.
It’s the difference between living within the confines of a fixed identity all your life or opening you up to new horizons, possibilities, and potentials.
Dr. Joe Dispenza would say the old identity is fixed because of a learned way of being that has corresponding emotional patterns. Thus your energy, and neurons, are always firing in a certain way. Trying to change your identity without addressing the fixed way of being, and your familiar emotional state is futile.
So Dispenza offers us this adage: Change your energy, change your life. And then, as his book title suggests, we can break the habit of being ourselves.
Parallels between Learning a Language & Personal Transformation through Changing the Identity
“Our identity is the core part of our lives. We’re not going to outperform our identity. Our identity is the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs we hold to be most true about ourselves. It’s the invisible force that holds us back or can accelerate our success, our bliss, and our achievement to whole new levels.” — Ed Mylett
It’s not just Americans who carry a recognizable accent in foreign languages. We’ve all met a Chinese or German who’ve lived 20+ years in a foreign country and don’t sound much different than the day they arrived.
But what does this have to do with success?
Quite possibly, nothing. A German can still dominate in business in the English-speaking world if they’re savvy at finance or technology. The Chinese have proven to be adaptable in whatever region of the world they go, often grouping with their fellow countrymen and never really needing to change.
I’m speaking to those who’ve been unsuccessful in one or more areas and found themselves unwilling to change their core self.
This aversion to change is usually rooted in identity. And identity, as pointed out in the quotation above has to do with beliefs about who we think we are.
The example of this unique teaching method taught in Eastern Europe encourages adults to step out of their comfort zones and real-life roles to embrace new identities to learn a language with proper pronunciation and intonation.
By adopting an identity opposite to their own, learners are pushed to engage with the language in a more profound and personal way. This process not only accelerates linguistic proficiency but also invites a deeper exploration of self.
This method’s genius lies in its ability to engage the learner’s imagination and creativity, which are powerful catalysts for learning — and can also cause a certain personal transformation.
Becoming the successful version of ourselves, whether it’s languages or business, requires a shift in identity. And that process, inevitably, will challenge the individual who is too rigid to expand outside of the known parts of themselves into some unreached or “unlived” potential.
Jung and Owning Your Own Shadow
Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow self plays a crucial role in understanding the psychological underpinnings of this language-learning method. The shadow represents the parts of ourselves we deny or ignore — traits that belong to us but are kept out of our conscious awareness.
In “Owning Your Own Shadow,” Robert A. Johnson emphasizes the importance of recognizing and integrating our shadow aspects to achieve a more balanced and whole self.
Adopting a completely different identity in language studies mirrors the process of confronting and integrating the shadow self. It allows individuals to explore traits and possibilities within themselves that they have never acknowledged.
This not only contributes to personal growth but also enhances the learning experience by making it deeply personal and engaging. It also stimulates a person to want to continue to change as their vision of potential possibilities awakens.
Who could we be if we didn’t carry these fixed concepts, beliefs, and attitudes about ourselves?
What if we were to try on a new identity, even if just for fun when learning a language?
What would be possible?
It can get a person to start thinking and begin unlearning the fixed way of being — which is a deeper psychological, emotional, and spiritual journey than most are brave enough to explore.
Fortune Favors the Bold
You must first recognize the potential available by changing your identity. You must also be very aware that your current identity is not going to get you where you want to be.
Dispenza focuses on the power of thought and visualization in creating a new personal reality for oneself. He posits that by envisioning ourselves in different roles and circumstances, we can break free from the habitual patterns that define our current identity.
We saw how by fully immersing themselves in an alternate persona, learners are not just acquiring a new language; they are also experimenting with new ways of being.
What if language was a gateway to loosening the rigid identity?
What if we could change our core traits?
What new behaviors would you need to develop?
What personality traits or habits would you need to discard to become a more successful version of yourself?
Learning to Live the Unlived Life
We all must ask ourselves at some point:
What would be available to me if I weren’t so afraid of change?
Both processes of learning a language or personal development involve stepping out of comfort zones, challenging existing perceptions of self, and engaging in deep, transformative work.
Seeing through the lens of an “unlived life” is a metaphor that perhaps sparks a person to get curious, where exploring unfamiliar aspects of oneself can lead to a more successful and fulfilled version of oneself.
You would need to confront your limitations and get clear on how you would desire to live if nothing was holding you back.
This process requires imagination, creativity, and the willingness to engage with the unknown. There is truth in the saying that fortune favors the bold.
Practical Applications and Implications
Can we even be satisfied knowing there are parts of us that are unlived?
I took a gap year after high school and went to Mexico for a language immersion instead of going straight to a 4-year university like most of my peers. The latter was the prescribed path to success, according to society. The former was a life I had to invent for myself that didn’t promise any more than an experience.
What they won’t tell you is what’s waiting for you outside of the narrow parameters that society assigns for you. Safety is the known path. The alternative is finding your way, listening to your inner guidance, and shedding the conformist identity.
Individuals seeking personal transformation but lacking the tools can begin by adopting new roles or engaging in activities that challenge their current identity and beliefs. This could range from taking on new hobbies, volunteering in unfamiliar environments, getting into a stand-up improv group, joining a dance class, or even role-playing in professional settings.
By actively seeking out experiences that push us beyond our perceived limits, we can uncover hidden aspects of our personality and potential. This journey requires creativity, openness, and a willingness to embrace the unknown.
It requires bravery.
Final Thoughts
Whether it’s Jung, Dispenza, or an obscure Eastern European method for teaching languages, one can see how adopting a new identity can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves, our untapped potential, and even new and varied life experiences.
What if the love of your life spoke a foreign language and not yours?
What if your dream career required you to become a different and more capable version of yourself?
What if activating your potential demands that you take on new characteristics, qualities, and strengths that your old identity can’t or won’t go near?
Could you change?
This journey into the “unlived life” is not just about enhancing our linguistic abilities but guides us toward becoming the best version of ourselves. It’s an invitation to explore the vast landscapes of our inner world, encouraging us to step into the unknown and embrace the journey of continuous growth and transformation.
This exploration of identity, language learning, and personal growth highlights the interconnectedness of our learning experiences and how they are all pointing to our potential yet to be explored — and a new identity that we consciously form.
It encourages us to look beyond conventional methods of self-development, inviting us to experiment with our personalities, beliefs, and how we show up in the world.
Is there an unlived life awaiting you?
And will you be bold enough to claim it?
Thanks for reading! Please clap or comment if it landed for you.
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